I had heard the words before. Gently guiding me to a deeper place within. The cadence was hypnotic, the rhythm accentuated by the power of her words. The meditation was meant to connect me with my inner creative self.
The first time, the words moved me as they were intended. The second time, I knew what was coming and I was ready, yet disappointed they were the same words as before. The third time, the impact, the power had lost its mark. My mind wondered and floated away from the sounds that she so carefully was reciting. I was longing for the wonder of discovery I had felt the first time. I wanted new words.
My unmet expectations tainted the moment. How easily I could go from openness to judgment. My unmet expectations morphed into judging the other person, the situation for failing to meet what I needed, no, demanded, from them. Who are we, who am I to decide what others have to do to please me? I project my unspoken wants then damn the other for not meeting them.
Unmet expectations can kill a beautiful moment. Unmet expectations can leave us disappointed and angry.
Whether we are aware of it or not, we are often setting expectations of ourselves and of others. These expectations, often unconscious and unexpressed turn into disappointment. Our unspoken expectations create a story in our head of what should be happening, of what the world should be like, of what others should be doing. We impose our view of what the world needs to be in the moment. And when that is not played out, we blame the other.
But who am I hurting with my unmet expectations if not me? Who is experiencing the anger, the disappointment?
Expectations are about control — the control of others’ behaviors. Yet our expectations of what should happen is often set on outcomes beyond our control. We make ourselves the center of the universe when we throw our expectations on others. They are supposed to act, say, feel what we want and damn them if they don’t. We see our disappointment and anger as their fault.
How can we, how can I restore the moment and free it from the disappointment of unmet expectations? I can replace them with gratitude. Gratitude for the words that stirred my soul, for the gift of going deeper into myself to find my truth, my voice, my own gift.
Moving From Unmet Expectations to Gratitude.
Be aware of the outcome you are projecting in the moment. What is the movie you are playing out in your head? What “shoulds” are showing up?
Examine the expectations you are holding. How realistic are they? How much is under your control in the moment?
Let go of the expectations. What are you holding on to? Why is it important?
Replace the unmet expectations with gratitude. What gift am I missing in the moment? What have I failed to see?
Embrace gratitude. Look for the positive intent of the moment. Acknowledge the good already there. Allow yourself to experience joy instead of disappointment.
When we let go of unmet expectations, gratitude blooms.
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"Gratitude for the present moment and the fullness of life now is the true prosperity.”
Elkhart Tolle
“Gratitude turns what we have into enough, and more.” Melody Beattie