The first time I cried in public I was 30. I cried in front of a dozen people I did not know well. Actually, I did more than cry, I sobbed. I sobbed so hard I collapsed in front of the whole group. It was a release and a little mortifying.
You see, I never cried in front of others. Not my husband, not my children. Whenever I felt tears coming, I went to the bathroom to shed my tears quietly. A woman who has it all together doesn’t cry, a strong woman doesn’t show vulnerability. So I believed. I was told regularly how brave I was to be raising four children and so young! So I didn’t cry in front of others. Crying was a sign of weakness and I had to be strong for my kids.
I had no doubts of my ability to be a good mother. I had had practice as the oldest of five. I had helped my mother with the little ones. I could handle this. Piece of cake.
Until I cried in public. It just poured off me— all my doubts, my responsibilities, the loss of carefree years. I went from older sister to college graduate to mom. What happened to the days of youthful fun I had heard about? What did I miss? So I cried, and my world changed.
How to change your world
1. Allow yourself to be vulnerable.
Crying in public exposed me to my feelings of doubts and inadequacy. The facade I had so carefully built to sustain my perfect world of a woman who could do it all, collapsed. This vulnerability allowed me to see my inner world and a new reality.
2. Accept the support of others.
When I collapsed, I found myself being held by a man younger than me. I couldn’t believe the support I felt as I allowed someone else to be my strength. From that moment on, I knew I was not alone. There are others who are willing to support your true self.
3. See other possibilities.
That moment allowed myself to look at my life through a different lens. I recognized how much effort I was putting into being the perfect mother, the perfect wife. I did not have to do it all as the 1970s Enjoli commercial promoted. “I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan, and never, never, never let you forget you’re a man. Cause I’m a woman.” I was ignoring who I really was and who I wanted to be.
4. Create your new reality.
That moment of clarity started my journey towards creating a new reality. I did not have to give up being a good mom to pursue an advanced degree, to enjoy independence, to have a career. My journey had it challenges and setbacks.
But once I started listening to my inner self, to believe in my own abilities, to see myself as worthy, I was able to move forward and create the world I wanted. I had to step outside my comfort zone to see a different world.
When we allow ourselves to look within and believe in ourselves, to open the doors to other possibilities, to gather the support we need, we can create the change we need to live our best lives.
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"The best things in life are often waiting for you at the exit ramp of your comfort zone."
Karen Salmansohn